Angel of Death (dertodesengel) wrote,
Angel of Death

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random nostalgia

Great. Just fucking great. Of all the times to get one, I have a mega mental block. And I don't mean a "oh crap, what should I put?" I mean a "THINK DAMNIT THINK!" one. Hell, even with my bad blocks, I could rp like normal. Now I get halfway through and my mind stops. It just hits a brick wall and stops. This is such a peice of shit it isn't even funny. I'm lagging in just about anything that involves writing.

I think I cried for five minutes today after waking up. Why? I was in so much damn pain it wasn't funny. The backs of my legs hurt so much that if I even move then, I get this jolt of pain that makes me look like a cripple. I can't even sit down without taking at least a minute to do so. It hurts so bad to move that I dread walking, standing, sitting, laying down, etc. Anything to do with my legs, I don't like it.

I finished Stalking Darkness today! Yatta! We had a storm, so I had to rush offline and while it went on, I buried my nose in the book. Before I knew it, it was two hours later and the storm was gone. @_@ It was getting late, so I decided not to go online until I finished it, since the chapter I stopped on was near Alec's escape! And then Alec kissed Seregil and I got all fangirly.^^ But Seregil's words of Alec being confused made me frown, since Seregil is supposed to be smarter than that. ^_~ I loved how the book ended, though! With Nysander coming back and waking Alec up and Seregil's stupidity. Mou, call me a sap, but I loved it. I'll start Traitor's Moon tomorrow possibly.

Well, nothing else to report...

I was reading through old entries on my old journal and I came across this line...

Last night, they were showing my brother's girlfriend little pictures about him when he was young. I was in some of them and my dad said, "When you're date comes over, we're going to show them this." Boy, that brought back memories. I was going to say, "You missed your chance," but then they'd start asking a whole bunch of questions I didn't want to answer.

I suppose, now that I see it, that there is a big difference to how I loved then and how I love now. Al li mentioned of that was a simepl "'ve got my own baka koibito" when we got together and a "this day sucked" when he broke up. Who? For all the love I proclaimed to have for her then, it was Candace...

"What happens when you confess to the same person twice about the same thing?" Somebody on my Rivendell proboard asked me that. I tried to answer, but my mind wasn't on the question. He wanted to know because he was about to do that. I couldn't answer that without mentioning my personal life.
All I can say, is that I'm glad I confessed again. I felt so guilty because I hadn't told someone something that needed to be said. I never thought it would turn out this way. I always thought I'd run off with some guy in High School and the only relationship I'd have was with a guy. Its amazing what life can do to you if one person is introduced.
I'd say I have to thank my mom. No, my first eighth grade math teacher. Don't ask why I thank her. I have my reasons. I wouldn't have met my two best friends if it wasn't for her. Then nothing would have sparked and I would have never felt this way about somebody. They know who they are. I've already told them. I couldn't sleep last night until about 4:00 in the morning because my mind wouldn't get off of them. (Why am I saying 'them' when its only one person?)

That confession was probably the stupidest thing I could have done. If gave me false hope I never should of had..

How could I have forgotten this! I love this entry!

hm... this one too ^_^
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